See below for an accurate, graphical representation of my career. From the graph it is possible to deduce that, despite a less than mediocre start, between 2000 and 2005 the quality of my career actually increased by 62.5%, from 20% to 32.5%. This was due to a heady mix of youthful exuberance and an open willingness to engage with others. Misguided, I continued to display those positive traits under the service of a new employer between 2006 and 2010 who exercised a less than congruent approach to my desire to progress.
A brief hiatus ensued between 2011 and 2015 where, driven by an ability to operate almost fully autonomously, and with an expense account which could dwarf the national debt of Nepal, I flourished. Encouraged by my new employer’s inexplicable desire to put their unquestioning faith in me, I travelled the length and breadth of the world rapidly evolving my career for the better. Furthermore, the upward trajectory of my prowess and skill was directly proportional to my ability to intake vast quantities of alcohol. This golden mix of newly honed experience and irresponsible ingestion of drink turned me into a plucky young buck with balls like two melons in a rucksack. Unfortunately, this wasn’t to last.
Having peaked approximately half a decade ago, my career regression has been spectacular, sliding downhill faster than Franz Klammer on coke. And now, as I peer tentatively into the abyss that is my future, I look back in bewildering confusion, wondering what happened to that promising, bright-eyed champion of personal growth. A once small boy who harboured disproportionately sized dreams. The boy with the eyes of an innocent child who only wanted the simple things, like touring the world in first, with a bottle of Krug and access to eye-watering amounts of disposable cash….
